On Saturday, December 9, 2023, a Florida man by the name of Jay Mackelroy was shocked when multiple organisms, likely humans, silently went into his house in the dead of night and replaced all his possessions with exact replicas. Mackelroy says this happened around 3:00 in the morning, and he only noticed when a few beings of unknown origin tried to replace the bed he was sleeping in along with himself with an exact replica. Based on the fact that Mackelroy is a fan of the indie animation series Helluva Boss, our lead detective, Tom Kushvisk, has come to the conclusion that the unusual act was a hate crime against fans of Helluva Boss, which, if you don’t know, was created by animator Vivziepop and can be found on YouTube. Police investigations have proven that all of Mackelroy’s possessions were replaced with exact replicas except for his house, his bed, and himself, as he managed to stop the perpetrators from replacing himself and his bed. The main thing the police are confused about is how the culprits managed to get an exact replica of Jay Mackelroy himself. Detective Kushvisk, who is also a close friend of mine from having worked with me since 2007, has prepared this statement:
“This mystery started at 1:04 AM when our CCTV footage saw a car on an intertown road just outside of the boundary defining Jay’s hometown of Faketown, followed by eleven covered trailers. The car and trailers sped through the road, passing by a few homes, as they were far from town then. After about a minute of driving through mostly emptiness with the exception of those houses, the car and trailers parked in Jay Mackelroy’s large yard at 1:06. After that, a figure whose looks could not be determined in the darkness of night walked in, hauling what looked like a PlayStation 5, followed by about fifteen similar organisms with other objects from Mr. Mackelroy’s house. Some objects were held by multiple organisms, like the TV. They all seemed to enter the house with what they were holding but leave less than a minute later holding the exact same thing, down to the serial numbers on the dollar bills. The only two ways we were able to confirm that the items were replaced with exact replicas was from a single security camera found in Mackelroy’s house along with his own personal statements. The organisms continued replacing the items with exact replicas for nearly two hours before they got to the last two items, Jay Mackelroy himself and his bed. Because the bed was bigger, they decided to replace the bed with Mackelroy himself sleeping in it last. When the culprits were in the process of doing that, Jay Mackelroy woke up, and the criminals drove back to where they came from once they realized he woke up.”
Not much of the culprits is known, except that they are part of the Helluva Boss Is Mid (HBIM) political movement, named after their core belief that Helluva Boss is mid. HBIM was started by a teenager known online as BombCraft up north in Pennsylvania back in November and has already exploded in popularity due to the boy’s recruitment techniques. This movement has been doing terrible things to fans of Helluva Boss with the hope of establishing a 1984-like government where anyone who doesn’t believe the series is mid would be forced to believe it is mid, with Helluva Boss’s creator Vivziepop treated like 1984’s Emmanuel Goldstein, the primary enemy of Oceania. Some of HBIM’s values include acceptance of everyone (as long as they believe Helluva Boss is mid), an end to poverty and world hunger, higher taxes on rich people, lower taxes upon the less fortunate, an end to corporate greed (e.g. many necessities being way too expensive), and ends to various other issues that they claim are “plaguing the US.” In fact, HBIM, despite being labeled a “hate organization” by Joe Biden for their views on Helluva Boss, is actually widely accepted by the rest of the United States because of their views on other issues; most residents of the fifty states don’t have any opinion on Helluva Boss and don't care if they are forced to believe that it is mid.
HBIM, despite being a self-proclaimed “peace organization”, has committed various weird crimes, claiming that it is worth it for how much better life on this “stupid miserable planet full of terrible people [sic]” will be once they take power. For example, a group of HBIM members even transformed one of Vivziepop’s friends into a bird back on December 4. HBIM has done a few other weird things since their creation in November, such as hacking the Times Square Jumbotron to say “VIVZIEPOP CAUSED THE HOLOCAUST” on December 2 and hijacking Vivziepop’s merchandise factory to produce HBIM merch on December 5. Of course, this news website is neutral, so we don’t support HBIM as that would anger fans of Helluva Boss, but we don’t hate them as that would anger HBIM.
Not only that, but we don’t even know the species of the culprits, however we suspect they may be humans as Florida currently reports that all intelligent organisms that live within Floridian land are humans. As there were multiple perpetrators in the crime, police don’t have a conventional list of suspects, but seven of the criminals have had their identities found due to DNA traces left in Jay Mackelroy’s house. Additionally, police are extremely confident on the identities of three other culprits, but they can’t be 100% certain yet as their high-quality DNA tests haven’t come back yet. We have chosen not to reveal the identities of the culprits whose names are known, as HBIM is primarily an online organization and we don’t doxx people. More news about this story will be coming soon as we start to figure out more information about this strange crime…